Can you have a good divorce?

There's so much in the papers about how couples rush to divorce in January that you may feel like you can't bear to read another article about breaking up. But I promise I won't overwhelm you with statistics about how many marriages break up at this time of year - I'm interested in how couples break up, not how many do so.

It's been a long time coming, but it seems that less confrontational methods of divorce are becoming more popular. For years it felt like the only option available if you wanted to get divorced was to hire a lawyer to 'fight your corner'. The reality may have been different, but the choices were certainly more limited than they are today.

These days, some couples are splitting up without using a lawyer at all and an increasing number of those who are using legal help are choosing 'friendlier' divorce methods, such as collaborative law or mediation. In 2003 only 12 lawyers in England and Wales were trained in collaborative family law. By last February the figure had reached 1200. Yes, it's still a minority who use collaborative law or mediation, but many of those find it's a more positive experience than the traditional lawyer-led negotiations.

The main benefit is that couples each get a real say in what happens (even if the eventual agreement involves a lot of compromise). Although many divorces don't get as far as the courts, a number of couples are effectively forced to agree to settlements because they're told that it's what a court would be likely to do.

Collaborative family law, which involves round-table meetings with you and your ex and your respective lawyers, is not necessarily a cut-price option. But it can mean both parties are less emotionally scarred by the process and - when it comes to sorting out the money - that finance doesn't become such a battle ground. The downside is that if the process breaks down, you each have to hire new lawyers, which can raise the cost considerably. But for an increasing number of couples, it's a risk worth taking.

Do you agree?

I am hosting a free divorce advice surgery on Thursday January 28th from 4pm to 8pm in Covent Garden, central London. David Allison, who's a trained mediator and collaborative family lawyer with Family Law in Partnership and Karen Ritchie, from independent financial advisers
Financial Planning for Women will be giving free advice on a one-to-one basis. It will cover a range of financial issues. Places are limited and available on a first come, first served basis. Email sarah@savvywoman.co.uk if you'd like to find out more.